Tuesday, December 29, 2009

For Classy BYU Fans...

Who needs words when a picture will suffice:

Don't worry Max. We are classy, we will stay classy, and we will always be classy. It is who we are.

Monday, December 21, 2009

A Politically Correct Christmas...

I would attribute this but I don't know who to attribute it to. I have found it on numerous websites and various message boards. As an employment attorney, I found the the union/organized labor references and the equal employment references particularly entertaining.


Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...


Cartoon Credit: Glenn Foden, CultureAndMediaInstitue.org. Archive available [HERE]

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Max Weinberg's Mormon Song

Conan O'Brien is awesome. It's true. I'll provide proof. You may have heard the Orrin Hatch recently released a Hanukkah song. Senator Hatch has released several full length albums and I think that that Hanukkah song was an excellent idea (the song itself is absolutely horrible -- but the idea of the song was a good idea).

Conan O'Brien, being the fine Irish Catholic that he is, got together with Max Weinberg, his Jewish bandleader, and they came up with a Mormon Christmas song to thank Senator Hatch for his Hanukkah song. And the catchy tune goes something like this:

Catchy no? I didn't know that Ziggy was Mormon. But I do have to say, well done. This clip will be watched millions of times in the State of Utah over the coming weeks.